Nothing to look forward to
by Miralana
Summary: There's a Kunai at his throat and a hand on his wrist. There's an undeniable threat to his life. He should probably care more about it.


There's a Kunai at his throat and a hand on his wrist.

There's an undeniable threat to his life.

He should probably care more about it.

* * *

There are a lot of things the people of Konohagakure say of Uchiha Itachi and his actions.

Some believe what actually happened, some don't.

Some think he's dangerous, some don't.

Some pity him for the loss of his eyesight, some don't.

There's actually only one thing, everyone agrees about.

Uchiha Itachi should feel _grateful_.

Grateful for his life. For his forgiving brother. For his second change. For being allowed to live in the village again.

And there's actually only one thing Uchiha Itachi hates more than violence and war.

And that is living.

Tsunade-sama and Sakura-san call it depression. Sasuke doesn't understand it. Naruto thinks he has to tell him jokes, so that he will have more fun.

And that is the reason, why he spends his days in the house they gave Sasuke as a replacement for the loss of his old home. He doesn't know what else to do with himself. Sasuke is always busy, trying to reintegrate himself in the village, spending time with Naruto and Sakura-san and Itachi doesn't mind it. He's happy for his brother. It's what he always wanted for him.

It's also something he never thought seeing – or getting told about – because he never wanted to live this long. He never planned it.

* * *

So when he's coming back from the kitchen, the cup of tea he had just drunk secured on the corner and there's a Kunai on his throat his first thought is, _yes, please do it_.

His second thought goes to Sasuke, because whoever this is, he could've met his younger brother and under no circumstances is he allowing someone to harm him. And certainly not in his own house. _Not again_.

His third thought is, that he knows the smell. He can't place it, hasn't got used to only relying on his other senses yet, but he knows this person.

So it's someone he knows and he has no friends, the few he had are already dead – like he should be – so that means it's an enemy.

So he does what every intelligent human being with a slight death wish would do, when someone is threatening their life.

He attacks.

And promptly get's knocked in the kidney – and they are still sensitive, always will be, because of this damned illness. While he's gasping for air, it occurs to him, that the punch to his kidney wasn't that hard. Not hard enough to actually hurt a healthy person, but to hurt someone like him.

And suddenly he knows who that smell belongs to.

"Not so fast, you're going to hurt yourself."

He want's to laugh. To cry. To hit something.

"You are supposed to be dead."

"So are you."

"It's complicated." Which means, he still has no idea why and how he is alive.

"I bet. You could never do something the easy way."

"What do you want here, Kisame?" he says, probably sounding a lot more hostile than he actually feels, because he's not sure what to think of this situation and he doesn't like not knowing what's going on.

"Heard rumors. Was kinda surprised to hear that you're alive."

"I'm sorry to disappoint you." he grits out and he knows he's behaving stupid, this is Kisame after all, he was never happy about him dying.

"God damn it, Itachi, seriously?"

He wants to shoot something mean back, because he doesn't want them to get friendly again. He doesn't need it. He doesn't need something in his life, that isn't reminding him how much he hates it. But then he feels Kisame's hands on his jaw and thumbs are caressing his cheekbones. It doesn't take long until Kisame is kissing him and Itachi thinks, _screw this, I can at least enjoy this before going back to pitying myself_, so he kisses back and welcomes the tongue that's pushing inside of his mouth.

He put's his arms around Kisame necks and grips the back hair on the back on his head with one hand and that seems to be enough, because suddenly he feels pressure on the back of his thighs and Kisame is lifting him up on his hips. Itachi was never someone who liked to carried, not even as a child but he never minded sitting on Kisame's hips, with his legs crossed behind the others back and their fronts pressed together.

He always enjoyed this, because he can lay his slowly weakening left arm on Kisame's shoulder and because it allows him to deepen the kiss on his own and to end it, without Kisame pushing down on him.

"So what? You're just here for sex?"

Kisame is silent for the longest time and Itachi wishes that he could just see his emotions, since it was always easy to read them on Kisame's face.

"I came here to see if the rumors are true, I already told you that." Kisame says, with a voice that sounds strained and kind of angry.

"And now that you know that they are, you just thought what? One last time before we never see each other again?" He asks and suddenly he's a lot more angry that he can actually understand. He doesn't even know why, doesn't even know what exactly makes him so angry because shouldn't he be happy that Kisame is alive? Shouldn't he feel grateful for that – and there is that word again, but this time he feels like it's okay to use it. Suddenly he feels uncomfortable, being carried by Kisame, but the older man has his hands tight on him and he can't move much.

"I'm not here to fuck you, Itachi. I came here, to _see you_."

"Why?"

"You know why."

And that's it. He doesn't need more, he doesn't need another kind of confirmation, because this is what they always were and Itachi knows how stereotyped it is, that he feels like a burden has been taken from his shoulders just because someone is here just for him, but he doesn't care.

What he does care about it is the wave of gleeful happiness going trough him and the realization of how lucky he is, because he would have never seen Kisame again if he was dead.

That's actually a really frightening thought.

"So, can I kiss you now when you don't have your panties in a twist anymore?" Kisame says and does so the next second, making Itachi feel the grin on his lips against his own.

"No sex, Sasuke is going to return soon."

"Sure."

* * *

"Nii-san? Nii-san! Damn it, where are you? The Hokage wants to see you ASAP. Apparently that ex-akatsuki-partner of yours is in the village because of some kind of trust-sign from the Mizukage but he hasn't reported since he got here and … there he is. He's naked. WHY THE HELL IS HE NAKED? … And why are you in bed in the middle of the... OH MY GOD. You know what? I'll just go. To the Hokage. And tell her... that everything's fine. Oh god why is it always me?"

"I thought I said that you have to be dressed again?"

"You also said no sex and look how that turned out."

* * *

_Some people might be confused why I wrote Itachi the way I wrote him. I think we can all agree that Itachi was happy dying, as soon as he saw that everything turned out like he wanted it to be. So I wrote him as someone who doesn't know what to do with himself now, someone who doesn't enjoy living, because … well because there is just nothing for him. He doesn't sees a reason for being alive – partly because he doesn't think he deserves to live and because he just never thought about continuing to live.  
The reason why a punch in the kidneys is hurting Itachi is because I'm going with the theory of MPA being his mysterious sickness – also the reason why I talked about his weakening left arm. Here is a cool meta about it. chuunin . livejournal ( / ) 6039777 . html  
I hope you enjoyed it, I haven't written for animes in a long time but I'm trying to write myself out of a writers block and this really helped me.  
Also, feel free to come and talk to me on tumblr. [stillcryingbecauseofitachi or everknowing]_


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